The Perils of Reading E-Mail

I was imagining what it would be like to have entirely new teeth because I received an e-mail from the local dental school announcing free dentistry if you’re willing to let dental students work on you. I have crooked teeth because when I was 11 or 12 years old I pitched a fit and refused to return to the orthodontist who was essentially preparing me for braces. I suffered from excruciating headaches owing to my blindness and nervous tension and my mother, sensing that I was already feeling overwhelmed by life decided that I should have my wish and live with crooked teeth.

So I was pondering what it would be like to have a Hollywood, big league American smile and then I started to think about all the other middle aged miseries: the tennis elbow; the gravitational effects of aging flesh; flat feet; creeping double chin; hammer toes; cholesterol; evident hearing loss; political cynicism; nostalgia for nickel candy—I was suddenly awash in the physical and psychological spindrift of middle age and there wasn’t any Diet Coke in the refrigerator.

I was right to choose crooked teeth. I will not invest a dime in the Normalcy Industrial Complex.

Man, am I glad I got that out of the way.

It’s good to be restored to a semblance of sanity. I think that instead of getting my teeth fixed I will go inside a stone like the poet Charles Simic. I will admire the Brailled star charts on the stone’s inner walls.

S.K.

Comments

[FridaWrites]

I think you're right and that we shouldn't change ourselves just to meet some (expensive) ideal. I had mine fixed because they were starting to have breakage--to my surprise, most of my headaches went away afterward! Though they were brutal during the two year process, so I'm not sure I'd repeat it.

[Janet Gayes]

"Normalcy Industrial Complex"
Love it! Probably NIC for short.

[Katharine]

Ahhh, thanks. I feel much better for having read this, Stephen.

And the Coca-Cola in my fridge is not diet.

[Georgia Whitney]

I periodically contemplate having my 57-year-old body surgically altered in some way. I don't do it for two reasons: (1) it's a stupid use of my money and (2) I see no reason to go through all that pain and suffering for the sake of beauty/normalcy.